Comedy blog

Wilmot Brown’s dating tips

Willmot Brown Marny Godden Flap em on the gate soho theatre.jpg

With just over three months until Valentine’s Day love is in the air. So we thought it would be useful to ask a true ladies man for some advice regarding matters of the heart.

Luckily we were able to contact with certified woman whisperer Wilmot Brown, one of the guest stars in character comic Marny Godden’s wonderfully silly show Flap ‘em on the gate. The Laugh Out London boys have got this whole dating thing sorted so we turned to that pit of desperation the Dating & relationships section of Yahoo answers and asked Wilmot to help these poor souls out.


What are some things you never talk about on a first date?

hat you’re a compulsive gambler, digestive addict and Swayze obsessive. Didn’t do me any favors…

What do you do with your hands when you make a slow kiss?

Reach into my pocket to make sure my digestives are still there. I don’t want to get ‘dipped’, what does getting ‘dipped’ mean? Ask the gigolo who picked my pockets on Tuesday.

Whats a good first date idea for a sunday evening? shes coming from work? we’re in our young 20’s fresh out college trying to get into grad school. shes adventurous but i figure shed be tired. also what fun topics can we discuss. weve talked about running a half marathon and traveling already. she says she doesnt watch tv much so cant dive into that. ive never dated someone that i hadnt known for awhile.

I’d take her for a spin in the Saab. If we’re in the mood drop by the cashino in Camden. Try our luck on the old slots…

How many times should an intelligent woman marry?

Every time.

How do u know if a guy is to old for you to date?

If his teeth fall out on the table and he needs help finding them, should be a good enough sign.

Can I cheat on girlfriend when I join the Navy without her finding out?

This is a delicate one… The kind of question which needs to be answered face to face. Meet me at sundown, Woolwich docks. OK?

So I can t tell if she likes me or not? So I like this girl, and we have been very close for a long time now. A couple days ago my friend told her that she thinks we should go out, and she started to freak out, she turned around, bright red In the face and ran away sying No!No!No! I m normally pretty good a predicting human behavior, but I can t tell if she s disgusted by the thought, or if she is too embarrassed to talk about it.

This question has made me red in the face… with disgust. Shame on you, you vile lurker!

Willmot Brown Marny Godden Flap em on the gate soho theatre 2Does a girl like you if she grabs your biceps? She went to grab my bicep, as reflex, I flexed, and she went, oh, wow.

Well, what do you think? You dope.

What’s the best way to show your wife you love her…. I tell her every day but i want to try something different ?

Take her for a stroll down Brighton pier. Theres a ride called ‘Crazy Mouse’ ( a hectic rollercoaster for idiots ) Just as you’re about to go over the top shout – I’ve always loved you! If she doesn’t say it back by the end of the ride, you know its time to get off the crazy mouse, because you’re sitting next to a treacherous rat.

Why do men love sex so damn much!??? What’s so damn “GOOD” about it that makes yall go ******* monkey nuts!!!?

Given that you sound like a Texan waffle waitress, ask your brother.

Help! what do I do? I was at a walmart bathroom and washed my hands next to my gf’s dad and he doesn’t know Im black

In the words of MJ – Tell him that’s its human nature.


Marny Godden: Flap ‘Em On The Gate is at the Soho Theatre on Monday 30 November 

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