What a stroke of luck! With my brain muddied by Slush Puppy, I end up rambling incoherently down Cowgate wondering where to go or what to do and run into Mr John Kearns, who has just arrived via the postal special from Liverpool. Here we are, reminiscing about the old days, although what makes this picture particularly fun is the fact that John was deeply in love with the photographer at the time, as you can tell from his eyes.
I find myself inside an inflatable igloo dressed as a superhero with a fisherman’s hat from the Tate Modern. I struggle to remember how I got there or why I’m dressed that way, but two clowns who are about to put on a circus immediately demand that I get in their tent.
Delirious from that Slush Puppy, I do as they say and sit quietly listening to them while they enact their circus. When I emerge for what I was told would be a guest spot, I find that the tent has been suspended over the edge of the top of Arthur’s Seat. I applaud the rather impressive magic trick the two of them have pulled off, and in so doing lose my grip on the edges of the tent itself and fall onto the jagged rocks below. Deeply impressed, I stagger back to the igloo, paying no heed to the bruises and the broken bones, and enthusiastically tell those clowns I will be their guest spot for every performance! The Fringe has well and truly begun!
Having poked my nose into the Laughing Horse Launch Party, I find I don’t know anybody there and run away crying, very frightened and shy. Not only that, my iPod is broken and I haven’t been able to listen to Marillion all day. Finding a quiet shady colonnade, I sink to the floor and weep, and then notice that on top of everything else, there’s an enormous thorn stuck in my left paw. Then who should come along but Harriet Kemsley, who takes pity on the poor lost boy in the colonnade and removes the thorn from his paw. Here she is, fresh from the excitement of her heroic deed.
Harriet explains to me that I needn’t be frightened of people I don’t know and that I should go back into the Laughing Horse Launch Party with my head held high and take my rightful place as the heart and soul of the party! “You’re right,” I say, heading back to the scene of the crime, whereupon I immediately run into a woman who is a hundred feet tall and a man who has set fire to his hands. Like Macauley Culkin in Home Alone, I clasp my hands to my face and scream at them before turning tail and running into the darkness.
Joz Norris Has Gone Missing
Aug 1 – 25, 2.45pm