Hidden talent

Hidden talents: Adam Larter on keeping tropical fish

Adam Larter comedy

Adam Larter

All rock and roll stars like drugs. All football players like women. All Harry Potter fans like Harry Potter and all stand-up comedians like to keep and breed tropical freshwater fish.

This correlation between tropical freshwater fish and stand-up comedy has been around since the 1980s, when the modern form of stand-up comedy became popular.

It started in the alternative comedy scene of central London where promoters at the newly established Comedy Store paid their up-and-coming acts with Neon Tetra under the promise that ‘if they were planted in water they’d turn into money’.

Well they didn’t but they established a tradition now stronger than misogyny in sports.

A bra containing some fish

A bra containing some fish

Step forward in time though, a young (handsome) stand up called Adam Larter is asked to write a blog on his hobby by comedy-wholesalers Laugh Out London. His hobby? Why the keeping and breeding of tropical fish of course.

The problem? It’s everyone’s hobby. BUT I GOT INTO THE BLOODY FISH BEFORE I BECAME I STAND-UP COMIC.

Why is it that everyone assumes I like tropical freshwater fish just because I am a stand up? There is more to tropical freshwater fish than stand up comedy! Sometimes I like to look and my Guppys and think ‘they’re not very funny, they’re actually just swimming about’.

I just wish that my two hobbies could live independently. I’m sick of going to gigs and people bugging me with ‘how are you coping with algae growth in this current hot weather’ or ‘what type of breeding net did you buy for you Tiger Barb’ or ‘do you need to trim back your roots after you remove the wool when planting.’

I’d love it if just once someone said to me ‘done any good gigs lately?’ or ‘are you going up to Edinburgh this year’. I wonder if people can look me in the F*****G EYE ANYMORE WITHOUT SEEING A MAN WHO ONCE OVER-FED THE WHOLE TANK AND CAN’T KEEP CONTROL OF A F*****G SNAIL PROBLEM.

AND WHILE WE ARE AT IT (and we are certainly at it) CAN YOU FUCKING COMEDY AGENTS STOP THROWING MONEY AT ME???!?!? ALL I GET ALL DAY LONG IS AVALON THIS, OFF THE KERB THAT. NO BBC I DO NOT WANT TO WRITE YOU A SITCOM, NO GLASTONBURY FESTIVAL I WILL NOT HEADLINE FOR YOU. NO GARY BARLOW I WON’T INTRODUCE STEVIE F*****G WONDER!!! I’M MORE THAN JUST A F*****G FISHTANK!!!!!!

Categories: Hidden talent

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